and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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