I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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