Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
