My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
