gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
