Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
