I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
