I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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