i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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