That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
