i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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