chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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