Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
