I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
