My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
