if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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