were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
