I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
