Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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