You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
