Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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