I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
