so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
