as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
