only if we run a train.
done.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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