is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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