well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
