I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
