He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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