Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would fuck him just for his dog
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
