i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
