I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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