you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
