That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
