I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
