Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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