I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
