How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
home. puking in laundry basket.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
