So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
