I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
