i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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