fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
