So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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