Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
