Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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