Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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