May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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