My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
