so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
