You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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