omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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