Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
