So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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