Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
