I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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