so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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