I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
