My friends, they love my intelligence
i think my tv is drunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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