I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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