Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
