I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
