i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
