it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
