I want to stick my p in your. b.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
