So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
