i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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