I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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