Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
