In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
