I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
