I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
