i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
